


If you die

by x3_NaWnOmSchnuff



Category: Pandora Hearts, ヴァ二タスの手記 - 望月淳 | The Case Study of Vanitas - Mochizuki Jun
Genre: Blood, F/F, F/M, Grief, Hunger Games AU, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Romance, TW:, doesn't matter if girl or boy is chosen, hunger games simulator fic, mentions of suicidal thoughts/ suicide, much more tragic than Katniss and Peeta., rules of the games slightly changed:, very weird ships and deaths, vomitting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 03:14:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15720840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x3_NaWnOmSchnuff/pseuds/x3_NaWnOmSchnuff
Summary: The Hunger Games Simulator is great, so I played it and now I'm writing this fic. Prepare for very weird things. Like... VERY WEIRD.Vanitas and Noé are from District 12. Vanitas was chosen to participate in the yearly Hunger Games and Noé couldn't stand the thought of losing him, so he decided to take the place of someone else.In the Arena they experience lots of grief and death, but they also meet a few great people who then help Noé to deal with his loss.





	1. Day 1 - Night 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this... fic with very stupid but also very fucking epic deaths.  
> And.... very weird weird weird ships. Like, seriously weird.  
> IF U DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED DON'T SCROLL TO THE EDN OF THE CHAPTER.  
> At the end of each chapter I put the original sentences from the simulator so that you know what else happend.  
> It will overall be 7 chapters + one bonus chapte and I'm sorry but I can't promise when I'll upload them because I'm at a new school and uehruavieheuargveaug homework.

District 1: Sharon and Break  
District 2: Vincent and Gilbert  
District 3: Oz and Alice  
District 4: Johann and Dante  
District 5: Oswald and Jack  
District 6: Olivier and Astolfo  
District 7: Roland and Riche  
District 8: Dominique and Jeanne  
District 9: Ruthven and Teacher  
District 10: Misha and Lilly  
District 11: Lacie and Reim  
District 12: Vanitas and Noé

 

*

 

Day 1 and Night 1

“Welcome to the thirty-third Hunger Games! We, Elliot Nightray and Leo Baskerville are the commentators this year, chosen by our great President Snow!“

The sarcasm in Leo's voice was certainly heard by all the tributes in the hovercrafts, but well, he had to do his job or otherwise he'd be killed, everyone was aware of that.

But why did Snow choose two sixteen years old boys to comment the Hunger Games?

Vanitas had long stopped questioning that guy.

After all, he and Noé came from District 12, the poorest of all which didn't receive any money from Snow like the richer Districts did.

It just made no sense at all.

He grabbed Noé's hand which was trembling violently and Vanitas knew that it was fear.

“If you die, I want to die to”, the man quietly said and pulled Vanitas into a tight hug, staining the black fighting clothes with tears.

“It's the same for me. We can not both get out of here. If you die, I'm going to commit suicide, Noé. I wouldn't want to win this game. I wouldn't want to live alone and without you.”

Many more words between them were shared without talking, without expressing them aloud because they knew each other well enough to not need talking.

Vanitas still remembered the first time they had met while both trying to steal the same apple and how they had slowly fallen in love at the tender age of thirteen, both knowing that they were too young, they didn't know anything about love at that age.

But when Vanitas had turned sixteen two weeks ago and Noé had already been sixteen and they were chosen for the Hunger Games, they simply stopped caring.

It had been the first night in the capitol when Noé had stepped into his room crying and sobbing and just cradling Vanitas in his arms just like he was doing right now.

The memory of the first 'I love you' he had ever heard in his whole life and his first kiss resurfaced right after that and now he had also started crying.

He never cared about his life, but since Noé's lips had touched his own, he didn't want to die anymore. He was sixteen. He was far too young to die in a stupid game like this.  
He was just sixteen.

“Noé, I love you”, he whispered when the hovercraft landed, “and I will always do so, even in death, Noé. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“In a few seconds, the game officially starts!”, the other boy screamed, also not being able to hide his sadness behind those words, “the hovercrafts have already landed and the tributes are already standing up and leaving them!”

Vanitas forced himself to stand up, his hand still wrapped in Noé's.

This was it.

This was the end of his already hard life.

“I love you too”, Noé said, voice now calmer.

“We're going to split up now, alright? We can't make it if we're two.”

“I don't care if I die, Vanitas.”

“You have a point there”, he forced himself to chuckle and somehow raise the mood.

“I'll see you later, yeah?”, Noé said and Vanitas nodded, their hands parting, then Vanitas walked over to the mark in the grass.

He quickly scanned he arena.

There were several islands farther away, covered in grass, the temperature was also pretty much ok, not too warm, not too cold.

In front of him was a forest and probably more water. This was alright, he could swim.

“Only ten seconds left until the sound of the horn gives the signal for the start!”

Vanitas focused his eyes on the cornucopia. A weapon to at least defend himself would be perfect, as well as food, but he could still look for that in the forest later on.

“Three, two one-”

A loud sound symbolized the beginning of many deaths.

Vanitas began sprinting next to Noé, with a quick look around the insides of the building, he already spotted the weapons. Good.

He rushed towards them next to a boy... or a girl with pink hair, he couldn't really make that out.  
This was Astolfo, if he remembered the lessons of their tutor correctly, only thirteen years old but cruel and stronger than he looked.

Vanitas grabbed the mace which was there, not really looking at it, just wanting to get away from everyone here because it was too dangerous, he had watched so many Hunger Games in which almost half of the tributes had already died right here.

He spun around and ran.

His feet were barely touching the ground anymore, barely noticing the footsteps of the kid behind him only to be stopped by someone right in front of him.

“You're too young for a game like this”, the woman said, smirking from ear to ear and looking past Vanitas and at Astolfo.

Vanitas' froze. The woman's gaze was cold, red eyes were looking at him, scanning him, pitch-black hair was framing her beautiful face.  
Lacie.  
This had to be Lacie.

“Give me the mace and I won't do anything to you.”

“No, the fuck, why should I?!”

Vanitas immediately spun around, but there was Astolfo.

He sighed and kicked the boy directly into the gut, sending him backwards.

Vanitas didn't want to kill, he didn't want to. Especially not a child.  
But that was soon to change.

Suddenly Lacie ripped the mace out of his hands and almost hit him with it, if he hadn't been quick enough.

'Bless my reflexes', he praised himself and continued running.

He was quick, that was something he knew and that was good in that game.

Trying to look into every direction, he caught a glimpse of a little orange haired girl and an older blonde teenager fighting for something, but he didn't care, he just wanted to get away from there to have some peace.

He would die anyways. If Noé died, he would die and he was pretty much sure that Noé wouldn't make it too long.

*

It took a long time to actually get to the forest. He leaned against a tree and breathed in and out quietly and steadily.

A short break, then he would have to find water and later on Noé. He wanted to kiss him one last time.

Maybe he should just kill himself or maybe with Noé so that they didn't have to live one day without the other. Vanitas wouldn't be able to manage that.

He sighed.

He should really be quiet before someone spotted him.

“Ah, there you are!”

Vanitas jumped up and stared at the boy walking out of the bushes.

Pink hair.

It was Astolfo once again.

Vanitas didn't have his daggers from his home, he didn't have anything else to attack him either. He had to flee and that, that really scraped at his pride. Fleeing from a tiny boy. Oh god.  
But he was used to running. Everyone from District 12 was used to that after all.

“Hi, little girl, you're here again?”

He placed a smirk on his face when all he wanted was to see Noé again.  
His heart was beating loudly in his chest when he took a step back.

Astolfo swung his spear, now seemingly in rage.

“Take that back”, he hissed.

“Aww, you sound like a cute little kitten meowing for their lovely father who left him!”

And oh, Vanitas shouldn't have said that.

Without another warning, Astolfo tried to stab him, but Vanitas' reflexes were quick enough to escape.

“Well well, little girl, I'm off to run then!”

And with that, Vanitas ducked into the trees and bushes, he was almost like a rabbit, but Astolfo was quick, he was really damn quick.

“Never dare to mention my father ever again!”

“Aaah, I really hit your trigger spot there, did I?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Astolfo tried hitting him again, but Vanitas swung himself onto a tree, changed his hands so that he was facing the boy once again, and then he kicked.

He only hit the spear, but that sent him backwards nonetheless and Vanitas grinned.

“Bye, bye.”

He ran and ran and ran.

He didn't know for how long, but he managed to leave Astolfo behind, or well, at least there weren't any footsteps anymore. He was standing in front of a huge tree and looked into the direction he came from now. He had run so long that he was near to a coast now,

Should he climb the tree or was there anything dangerous?

He was so out of breath that he could barely think. But Astolfo wasn't there anymore. He really needed a weapon.

'You were thinking about climbing that tree', Vanitas scolded himself and carefully touched the wood. There were no evil wasps, nothing evil at all, no matter how hard he kept hitting the tree.  
Good. He could climb it.

His legs were so weak and tired, but he should really look for somewhere to sleep now. He was already tired and at night some of the tributes would just be looking for trouble so it would be better for him to be awake then.

Ok. He would manage to climb up there.

*

Vanitas was sitting in the branches, completely exhausted, but perfectly hidden by leaves. He should have trained more.

But why did he even want to continue living? There was no way he would win those games anyways. Maybe he should have just let Astolfo stab him – ok, ok, he should forget that, that kid was brutal. He would prefer to be stabbed by... Johann or Dante or Jack. They were heartless enough to just stab someone to death right away.

Yeah, he would prefer them, definitely.

“Johann, are you sure that there is no one here?”

Vanitas knew this voice, oh god, he knew this voice.  
He remembered it even after years of not hearing it.

“Dominique, no. I mean, the footsteps in the grass are probably hours old, don't you think?”

Dominique de Sade, the girl from District 8 who had once visited Noé for no other reason than that he was hot.

And she had hated him. Why the fuck was she a tribute in the exact games in which he was also a tribute?

He still remembered the shock on Noé's face when he had stood next to him and the first revealed name had been Vanitas.

Noé had taken his hand and clung to it as if it was his life.

The second person who should have participated had been a twelve years old girl, but Noé had immediately raised his hand and he had screamed that he would take part in the games instead of the girl because he would not be able to deal with Vanitas dying.

Vanitas had screamed at him for hours that he would have given the best to win so that he could return to Noé. He wasn't stupid at least, he could hide and fight.

But Noé had insisted that the chance wasn't high enough.

“No, Domi. That's too old. For sure. No one is here.”

And they were hunting, seriously hunting, oh damn.

“Ah, man, that's shitty, I really wanna kill that Vanitas guy so that Noé doesn't have to deal with him anymore.”

Vanitas put his hand over his own mouth. He really wanted to scream at her that Noé loved him, and that he was extremely sure of it, but he didn't. He didn't.

It would not be good if Dominique heard him.

Ok, he just had to sit this out. He could do this.

Was Noé already dead?

He couldn't think about it. He really couldn't, it made him tear up.  
He wanted to die right now so that he wouldn't have to live if Noé had died.

Could they just please leave? 

“Well, let's go to one of the islands then and look for food and water. We can still continue tomorrow”, Johann said and stretched. Vanitas could see Domi nod.

“I'm so looking forward to killing that guy, you don't know how good that would be.”

*

It was night already. Vanitas guessed that it should soon be midnight. He didn't really want to see who died, but he needed to know if Noé was still alive. He needed to find him in the morning. He really needed to.

And as soon as that thought ended, the first canon shot could be heard from the distance.

The hologram soon followed and the face of a blonde, smiling boy was shown, the writing 'Oz Vessalius District 3' was right below.

Vanitas' heart was pounding in his chest and all of his thoughts were about Noé, just about Noé and that he hopefully managed to survive this day, he did not care at all about all the others.

He needed Noé to live.

Another canon shot.

Great relief washed over him as soon as the person being showed had black hair. 'Oswald Baskerville District 5' 

It wasn't Noé. It was not Noé.

District 12 had still to come.

And then there was the third canon shot.

It was a man whose face wasn't even shown. Vanitas squinted his eyes, but he could only make out a hat on top of very short hair.  
And then there was silence.

Noé was alive.  
Noé was alive.

A tear slowly left his eye. He had to find him right now. He had to find him.

In the exact moment when he wanted to climb down the tree, he heard a bush rustling.

Oh perfect – someone he could actually kill now, maybe he should try to just kill everyone except Noé and let himself be killed by him. Oh, he would love to die by Noé's hands.

As soon as the shape left the bush, Vanitas jumped down and immediately put his hands to the throat of the man.

“I really want to kill everyone who isn't my boyfriend right now, sorry mate, but you caught me in a very bad mood.”

“But Vanitas, I am your boyfriend!”

This voice, it was true, this was Noé. Vanitas immediately let go and stared at him. In the darkness he could barely see him, but his white hair shone in the moonlight and there were tears streaming down his face.

“Noé”, he whispered.

One second later he pulled Noé into a kiss mixed with tears and so much sadness that Vanitas almost started sobbing.

Noé's lips were chapped and dry, but Vanitas just didn't care, he didn't care about this at all.  
He needed Noé and he would always need him.

“I'm so glad you're still alive”, Vanitas whispered and kissed him again.

They kissed for half an infinity until the both remembered where they were.

“I'm tired, Vanitas”, Noé said and took his hand.

“That's ok. Go to sleep. I'll wake you up when the sun starts to rise so that I can sleep then. I'm not tired yet.”

Vanitas pulled him to the tree and sat down.

“Come here, mh?”

Noé nodded, let himself slide don the tree and then he put his head onto Vanitas' shoulder.

“Vanitas... I don't want to die.”

Vanitas put his arms around him and slowly stroked his hair to calm him down. Maybe they wouldn't die after all, maybe they would somehow manage to survive this together and if not, then they would meet in death.

So Vanitas didn't really care.

“It's ok, Noé. It's ok. Now slee-”

And then there was an explosion.

“What was that?”, Vanitas screamed and realized only then that it hadn't been anywhere near them. But there was smoke right in front of the moon.

“Someone set off an explosive”, Noé said, shivering, tears still streaming down his face, “I don't want to die, Vanitas.”

 

*

 

Day 1:  
Jeanne, Dante, Reim, Roland, Olivier, Johann, Noé, Ruthven and Misha run away from the Cornucopia.  
Astolfo takes a spear from inside the Cornucopia.  
Vincent finds a bag full of explosives.  
Lacie rips a mace out of Vanitas' hands.  
Break finds a canteen full of water.  
Alice finds a bag full of explosives.  
Oz accidentally steps on a landmine.  
Jack and Lily fight for a bag. Lily gives up and retreats.  
Teacher and Oswald threaten a double suicide. It fails and they die.  
Sharon grabs a backpack, not realizing it is empty.  
Riche grabs a sword.  
Gilbert finds a canteen full of water.

Dante scares Gilbert off.  
Lacie goes hunting.  
Noé stalks Lily.  
Break steals from Riche while she isn't looking.  
Jack chases Ruthven.  
Vincent practices his archery.  
Sharon searches for firewood.  
Johann receives fresh food from an unknown sponsor.  
Astolfo attacks Vanitas, but he manages to escape.  
Olivier runs away from Alice.  
Reim receives a hatchet from an unknown sponsor.  
Roland receives an explosive from an unknown sponsor.  
Dominique and Johann hunt for other tributes.  
Misha discovers a cave.

Fallen tributes:  
Oz, District 3  
Teacher, District 9  
Oswald, District 5

Night 1:  
Lacie destroys Riche's supplies while she is asleep.  
Jeanne tries to sing herself to sleep.  
Alice goes to sleep.  
Dominique loses sight of where she is.  
Vincent starts a fire.  
Johann climbs a tree to rest.  
Reim destroys Ruthven's supplies while he is asleep.  
Sharon sets up camp for the night.  
Noé and Vanitas sleep in shifts.  
Dante sets off an explosive, killing Misha, Olivier and Jack.  
Gilbert and Break tell stories about themselves to each other.  
Roland thinks about winning.  
Lilly thinks about winning.  
Astolfo sees a fire but stays hidden.


	2. Day 2 and Night 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: mentions of a dildo by Lacie, mentions of child abuse
> 
> Anyways....... nothing really happens during day 2 and night 2 but oh, oh PREPARE for day 3

Day 2 and Night 2

Vanitas woke up and he was feeling comfortably warm.

He snuggled closer to the source of that warmth and he could only mutter something not understandable as warm fingers flicked through his hair.

He didn't want to face reality. He didn't want to face the reality of being in the arena of the Hunger Games.

He just wanted to stay here, with Noé. He wanted to stay with him and cuddle.

“Wake up, Vanitas. You have to wake up, we need to look for food.”

“I don't want to.”

The only time he slept well was when he slept on Noé or just in a bed with him.  
He felt so... protected then. As if nothing could hurt him.

“Hey, c'mon, I want to spend as much time with you as I can until we... yes.”

Until we die. Vanitas knew that that was what he had wanted to say.

And he couldn't blame Noé. He didn't believe in surviving at all.

“Alright then, help me stand up, I'm too tired to do so.”

Noé grinned and pulled him up with him.

“Alright, where are we going to look for food?”, Noé asked and Vanitas looked around as if to look for a place, but everything he could see was the forest surrounding him.

“Mh... mabe near the sea. You know, there might be fish that has enough calories to keep us alive. And I think the forest almost reaches the coast so on our way through we could also look for berries or other edible things.”

“Sounds good. Oh damn, I really am hungry.”

Noé took his hand and Vanitas grinned at him.

“Ok, then let's get us some food.”

*

It took a whole while until they found at least some berries Vanitas identified as not poisonous by trying them himself.

“You can eat them, they're totally ok.”

“Vanitas, you could have died.”

“Well, if I had died, you could have just eaten one or more of them too and you would have been fine.”

He had just really stopped caring about his life.

“Anyway... then... let's pick them and try to fill our bellies as good as possible”, Noé sighed and picked the first one.

Vanitas reached his hand out to pick another one and then he felt a stinging pain in his finger.  
He retreated it immediately and looked at the drop of blood on his middle finger.

“Vanitas did you... did you really just prick yourself while... eating berries?”

The grin on Noé's face was so cute but at the same time Vanitas really hated it.

“What? Things like this happen!”

Vanitas himself knew that he was blushing by now.

“You have no idea how much I love you for this, really. I love you so much, Vanitas.”

And now there were tears choking Noé's voice and Vanitas looked at him.

“Hey. It's alright, Noé. Don't cry, please.”

Vanitas raised his arm and put his hands onto Noé's cheeks.

“Listen. If you want to, we could just kill ourselves right here. We could end it.”

And then there were Noé's arms around him and then he was cradled in them.

“Oh Vanitas, I don't know why it had to be us. I just don't understand. I should have told you earlier. I should have told you everything so much earlier.”

Noé's smell was so calming.

“It's ok. Noé, don't blame yourself. It meant so much to me. So much. And I love you so much too.”

And then he kissed Noé.

And oh, his lips were soft. So soft. He kissed him harder and then they were stumbling right into the berry bush again and now his whole back was pricked, but there were still clothes between the thorns and his skin.

Noé laughed into the kiss and then there was a tongue and Vanitas backed away.

“Sorry, but definitely not here in this arena. This is... well.”

Noé sighed and stroked his cheek.

“Very sad”, he giggled and Vanitas really had to pay attention to not just... jump Noé right there.

“We really should have said it earlier. I really... I really regret this.”

“Ssh”, Noé suddenly made and Vanitas stared at him confused.

“I can hear people. Be quiet. We have to hide somewhere.”

Vanitas nodded and pointed at a huge tree.

“Behind that. If the person or the persons look behind, we can easily defend ourselves.”

Noé seemed to agree, took Vanitas' hand and pulled him to the tree.

And then they just stood there, back to back, trying to look at the people emerging from the bushes.

Vanitas immediately recognized the pastel pink hair. Astolfo. And the woman following was Lacie. Well, those two hunting together was seriously scary and Vanitas didn't even want to imagine being killed by them.

Vanitas didn't know the other two guys though. One of them had really short, brown hair and glasses in his hands which he was cleaning furiously with his shirt, the other guy was pretty much small and his hair was slightly darker than the other guy's hair.

“Reim, stop being so nervous, you're fucking annoying. Stop that shit”, Astolfo snapped at the guy who was cleaning his glasses.

So, Reim was his name. Vanitas did not know him.

“S-sorry. I'm just... not used to hunting... people.”

“Neither am I, man, but I really don't want to die”, Lacie grinned and pointed at the other man.

“Just keep in mind that Dante also wants to kill you.”

Reim immediately returned to cleaning his glasses as if his life depended on it.

Vanitas shot a glance at Noé signaling to keep calm because he was trembling.

“Yeah. Well, let's go deeper into the forest, nobody would hide here anyway, y'know?”, Dante said, apparently very bored by all of this.

“I think so too, yeah, let's go. I don't think somebody is here”, Lacie agreed and Vanitas was pretty much sure that she was the leader of that... little group.

It took a whole while until Vanitas and Noé dared to speak again.

“Who were the other two whose names weren't mentioned?”

“Lacie and Astolfo. Both of them attacked and tried to kill me yesterday. Ok, Lacie just... kind of tried to hit me, but that was already enough for me not to trust her. But that aside, we need more to eat. We should go and look for fish maybe.”

“Yeah”, Noé replied, “let's do this.”

*

They were sitting in a tree once again. It should soon be midnight.

“Noé, tonight I know that you're not dead.”

Vanitas reached out his hand to touch Noé's cheek, then he placed his lips onto Noé's, this time not as hard as in the morning, but soft, as if it would maybe be their last kiss.

“I love you”, Noé whispered against his lips, breathing in Vanitas' smell to savour it in case he might die in the morning – after all, everything could happen anytime.

“Love you too...”, Vanitas said and let go then.

“Let's see who died.”

And Vanitas just hoped to see that Dominique and Astolfo were dead. He had never wished someone death except for his father who had beaten him up on a regular basis, but he surely wanted those two out of the arena just for the sake of his own life.

He couldn't trust them one single bit.

And then there was the sound of the cannon.

Both of them stared at the sky, looking at the picture of a white haired guy with a single red eye.

“Xerxes Break, District 1. Rest in peace.”

Noé's voice was heavy with tears for a man he did not even know.

Vanitas took his hand and entwined their fingers, slowly stroking Noé's thumb with his own.

The second loud sound.

A blonde man with extremely long hair was the next to be shown, his emerald green eyes shone in the darkness of the night surrounding him and suddenly Vanitas was overcome with grief too.

All those people hadn't deserved to die.

There were no tears in his eyes unlike in Noé's, but he understood his boyfriend now.

“Rest in peace too, Jack Vessalius.”

The third.

A man with long hair too, but this time pitch-black and not braided, he looked grumpy on the picture, but Vanitas was sure that he had had a good heart.

“May you also rest in peace, Olivier.”

Noé's fingers were trembling against Vanitas', not strong, but they still were.

Were there more tributes to be announced to be dead?

Vanitas didn't really want to know. This had only been the second day, they had only been in the arena for a day and a half, Noé was still alive, he was still alive.

They really should be happy.

And then there was a fourth.

It was a boy, not older than thirteen, blonde hair and blue eyes.

“His eyes look just like yours, Vanitas. I'm so glad that's not you. I'm so glad.”

Noé raised the hand which wasn't held by Vanitas and pointed towards the sky.

“Rest in peace, Mikhail. I hope all of you will be fine and don't have to suffer anymore.”

And then it was quiet. No more cannon shots, nothing interrupting the silence of the night anymore.  
It was quiet for some time, except for Noé's irregular sniffling.

And then again, there was a sound.

But it wasn't a cannon, it was the sound of footsteps.

“Hey guys, can I come up, I think you're the only ones who still have a conscience. Sorry that I tried to kill you, Vanitas.”

Vanitas looked down and there she was in her black fighting gear and her black hair.

“Lacie, just get the fuck away from here.”

“Hey, hey, Vanitas, but she apologized!”, Noé protested and Vanitas just buried his head in his hands in despair.

“Noé. She stole my mace and then she tried to kill me with it.”

“I knooooow!”, she sang and started climbing up anyways.

“But I'm so annoyed by everyone, even Reim is starting to become crazy and let's just say that I wouldn't have thought that. And seriously, everyone else is going crazy too, I can't handle that. And don't worry, if I decide to kill one of you, I'll kill the other one too.”

Lacie just casually sat down next to Vanitas who backed away immediately.

“You were hunting with Reim, Astolfo and Dante, Lacie. Don't tell us that you wouldn't kill us. We saw you.”

“I didn't say I wouldn't. I might go crazy every other minute too. But I know that you two were there, I didn't do anything. I'm not a killer. I might kill for self-defense, but not more than that, really.”

Noé sighed and reached out his hand. Lacie took it, seemingly very confused.

“Hi, my name is Noé, this is my very grumpy boyfriend Vanitas who doesn't trust anyone except for me. Nice to meet you!”

Vanitas just shook his head. He wouldn't trust this girl and he was really damn sure, that Noé shouldn't trust her either.

“Nice to meet you too, Noé! Can I ask how you two met? I mean, I know that you're from the same district. I just... really don't want to sleep right now.”

“Of course you can ask!”

Vanitas just sat between them, sulking and hoping that Lacie didn't have the mace anymore.

“Ok, so basically we started of as friends because we wanted to steal the same food... and well, I fell in love, but you know, I didn't really know what to do. I didn't tell him until we were chosen for the Hunger Games.”

“Chosen?”, Vanitas screamed and looked at him and suddenly there were tears filling his eyes, “I was chosen and you idiot stepped in voluntarily! Fuck, Noé, I would have tried to win if you hadn't done that... but like this? We both won't get out of here!”

And then he just started sobbing uncontrollably, he sank against Noé's chest and cried into it.

All the time, Vanitas had just wanted to die. He had just... wanted to die. And now he wanted to stay alive, because of Noé and he hated feeling like this, he just absolutely hated it.

Noé wrapped his arms around him carefully in an unsuccessful attempt to comfort him.

Vanitas couldn't stop crying.

He felt weak, so weak and he hated that Lacie was here to see him like this.

“Hey”, she mumbled, “why don't you two just commit double suicide like my brother did yesterday with a guy he didn't even know?”

“I don't want to. I don't want to live one second without Noé if he dies before me”, Vanitas sobbed and when he imagined Noé dying, he felt sick to the bone immediately. He didn't want to live anymore, but he couldn't die. He just couldn't because there was this part of his heart Noé had healed.

“Ok, ok, then sssssh. Calm down.”

Lacie's hand on his back was warm and Vanitas didn't even shake it down.

“You know how I kept myself from crying? I tried to guess what may be happening tomorrow in the morning. You know, funny stuff like... No idea, you finding a dildo in the grass brought in by one of the tributes.”

Vanitas really had to laugh at that and suddenly he was really glad that Noé had wanted Lacie to come up.

Even though she tried to kill him, she really seemed to be ok.

“Alright, alright, I'll start!”, Noé said. His voice wasn't full of tears anymore and Vanitas was very thankful for that because otherwise he would have just cried harder.

“Uh... Reim finds another pair of glasses and starts cleaning them too. Later on he grows two additional arms because two are not enough for two pairs of glasses.”

Vanitas almost snorted at the idea because it sounded so stupid, but the image in his head was just too damn perfect.

“Ok, ok, my turn”, he said, “Reim meets a bear in the woods who also wears glasses. They become best friends.”

“People, what the fuck are you talking about? Reim would certainly run away from that bear and it would chase him to steal the glasses!”, Lacie added to the story.

“Right!”, Noé agreed, now also crying, but of laughter, “but then the bear would get him and pin him to the ground so they can look each other into the eyes... I meant into the glasses, of course.”

Vanitas was finally stopping his crying and he silently thought to himself that maybe there was hope and they would both get out of that somehow.

 

 

*

Day 2

Riche discovers a cave.  
Sharon receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.  
Noé tries to spear fish with a trident.  
Johann makes a slingshort.  
Break dies from thirst.  
Ruthven discovers a river.  
Lilly constructs a shack.  
Vincent is pricked by thorns while eating berries.  
Lacie, Reim, Dante and Astolfo hunt for other tributes.  
Gilbert steals from Jeanne while she isn't looking.  
Roland camouflages himself in the bushes.  
Vanitas is pricked by thorns while eating berries.  
Alice thinks about home.

Fallen tributes 2:  
Misha, District 10  
Olivier, District 6  
Jack, District 5  
Break, District 1

Night 2  
Dante kills Riche with a hatchet.  
Alice and Reim talk about the tributes still alive.  
Lilly and Gilbert hold hands.  
Jeanne sets up a camp for the night.  
Astolfo and Johann huddle for warmth.  
Sharon attempts to start a fire, but is unsuccessful.  
Ruthven clims a tree to rest.  
Dominique begs for Roland to kill her.  
He refuses, keeping Dominique alive.  
Lacie, Noé and Vanitas discuss the games and what might happen in the morning.  
Vincent dies from thirst.


	3. Day 3 and Night 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so... sorry that this took so long, but you know, school started and EXAMS STARTED. I mean, I'm not learning a lot, but sssssh I just need to find excuses why I didn't upload, so sssh.  
> (No. I have no valid apology. I was just lazy as fuck.)
> 
> This chapter is full. It's literally STUFFED with triggers so I'm gonna write them down here!!!
> 
> -major character death  
> -suicidal thoughts  
> -slightly more detailed description of blood and violence  
> -vomitting (and with that, emetophobia mention, actually)  
> -kinda very emotional flashback loool
> 
> Anyways, enjoy reading this I guess. (There's literally no reason why you could enjoy this except if u have some really concerning likes.)

Day 3 and Night 3

When Vanitas woke up, he was still tired because he had barely slept. The cause of that was definitely the stupid story about Reim they had imagined.

“Morning!”, Lacie said happily and smiled at Vanitas who was putting his hands onto Noé's back who was still asleep.

“Morning”, he mumbled and yawned.

“Are you tired?”

Vanitas couldn't grumble more than a yes.

“Can I leave you two alone? I wanted to.. you know, pick flowers and... throw them into the river for all the people who... left us. I try to find you again after this, don't go too far. I really like you guys.”

Vanitas just nodded and sank back against Noé who was silently snoring.

“See you!”, she said and began climbing down the tree. Soon enough she was already disappearing into the bushes.

Vanitas just enjoyed the warmth of Noé's arms around him and the contrast it made to the cold air of the morning. It couldn't be too late.

He could just let Noé sleep.

As soon as he thought that, Noé shifted and slowly opened his eyes.

“Vani...tas”, he mumbled and placed a lazy kiss onto Vanitas' cheek, leaving the man with a warmth in his body that he would never get used to.

How would he be able to get used to loving this man?

“Ok... same today? Just picking berries and eating fish... huh, where's Lacie?”

“She went off to pick flowers for the dead. I don't know why. But yeah, let's do that, sounds good.”

“That means climbing down the tree, right? My whole hands are sore from all the climbing.”

“I'll help you, don't worry.”

Vanitas kissed his cheek and Noé kissed his lips in return.

“I'm so happy that we are still alive, Vanitas.”

“Me too.”

 

 

They were already out fishing when suddenly there was the sound of rustling leaves.

Vanitas spun around, bracing himself to fight and protect Noé who was already holding out his long stick which served him as a spear to catch fish in order to protect himself and Vanitas too.

The person leaving the bushes was Dante, Vanitas immediately recognized his face because of his nose and his short hair.

“Hey, guys”, he said in a happy voice, but Vanitas would not trust him as easily as he had trusted Lacie.

Their personalities were completely different and Dante seemed far, far more dangerous.

“What do you want?”, Vanitas hissed and Dante slowly pulled a knife out of his pockets.

The blade glittered in the light of the morning sun.

“I'm here to just chase you two away from each other to be able to kill you right after.”

Vanitas didn't have any weapon with him and it had been a long time since he had practiced catching knives. He really didn't want to risk having a knife stuck in his hand.

“Just go away, we won't do anything to you, Dante. Leave and I will not kill you.”

“Do you really think you could talk me into such a stupid thing?”

And then he ran towards Noé, his knife pointing at the man's chest, cutting the stick in half with a single strike.

“Are you not even trying to flee?”, he said and Vanitas tried to grab him by the shoulders and kick him right into his crotch, but before he could do that, there was a stinging pain on his cheek and then a warm liquid running down his cheek.

“I want to kill Noé first, I heard that he participates in those games on his own free will. I want to show him what that means. I want to show him how it ends.”

Noé grabbed Dante's arm, but he ripped it out of his grasp with ease.

Dante was practiced at fighting, that was clearer than the sky above the arena.

“Vanitas, flee!”

“No, dumbass, I want to protect you!”

“No one is going to protect anyone here!”

And with that, Dante leaped at Noé, who jumped back, Noé defended himself for a good amount of time in which Vanitas suddenly felt weak, his legs giving in to his weight.

Poison. That was poison.

“Vanitas!”, he heard Noé screaming, so he stood up. This was only poison. It was not sure that he would die.

He raised his hand to his cheek to wipe away the blood.

And then he noticed what that was.

Dante was a friend of Johann.

Johann and Domi had talked on their first day, about killing Vanitas.

Dante was supposed to weaken him so that he could chase Noé off and that was working surprisingly good.

Domi would be here, somewhere, hiding just to jump out of one of the bushes to kill Vanitas.

And then there really was someone dragging him away right in the moment when he lost consciousness.

 

 

When he woke up there was a knife pressed to his throat.

“Finally awake, huh? Can you fight? I don't want to kill you when you're asleep, asshole.”

In less than a second Vanitas had scanned the situation he was in.

He was laying on grass, his head pressing into the hard earth uncomfortably, Domi was leaning above him and there was a knife right at his pulse.

With one single, swift movement he pushed Dominique away, grabbed the knife and pulled her up, breathing hard.

His legs were still quivering, he was feeling awfully warm.

And then he did the same she had done a few moments ago – he pressed the knife against her throat so hard that it drew blood and damnit, he really liked the picture of this woman being that helpless.

“Oh, oh, that's not how I planned that at all, Vanitas. What would Noé say if you killed one of his friends, hm?”

He should not give in. He should not give in.

Domi wanted to kill him and he knew that.

“Could you bear his face if you kill me? Could you bear the disappointment and sadness in his eyes?”

Vanitas knew that he would not be able to bear it. He was well aware of that.

But Noé wouldn't stop loving him just because he had defended himself, would he?

“Could you bear his hate?”

And then there was a knife against his throat again.

He hadn't paid attention to her hand and it had been a mistake – obviously she still had another knife there in case that this exact situation happened.

“You're so weak and predictable. I will never understand what Noé liked about you in first place.”

And then there was just pain, just pain, his knees trembled, he tried breathing in but ended up choking.

Pain in his throat, just his throat.

It was burning, it was on fire, he sank to ground, then he coughed up blood. The taste was disgusting, it tasted like metal, like death.

“Isn't it sad to die like this after only getting to spend so little time with him?”

He hated her, he hated her, hated her.

He wanted to say that it wasn't sad because he wouldn't have to live without Noé who had truly loved him.

But the only thing leaving his mouth was another spurt of blood.

He broke down completely, laying on his side, his hands trembling in panic of his death.

He didn't want to feel anything anymore, he just wanted to fade out now, he couldn't bare that pain in his throat and in his heart because he was leaving Noé who would not know about this until midnight.

And then, finally, his vision became darker and darker, he heard footsteps.

A few seconds after Domi had left, his vision went completely black.

 

 

“Noé, god, why did you do that?”

There were tears in his eyes and his cheeks were already stained with salt.

“I-”

The man in the door was trembling and looking to the floor, eyes averted.

Vanitas could only guess what he wanted to say after the 'I'.

Noé stepped into the room, slowly approaching Vanitas, but he backed away against the wall.

“You are going to die, you completely utter fool! You are going to die, don't you know that?”, Vanitas screamed, not able breath in normally, he was gasping for air.

“I know. Of course I know, Vanitas.”

Noé was so much calmer than him, so much more... accepting of the fact that he would die soon.

Noé took enough steps forward to reach the bed.

“But do you... do you seriously think that I could live one single minute without you, Vanitas?”

Vanitas knew. He knew that he himself felt more than friendship for that man, but nonetheless he forced himself to speak out those words.

“It's not like... we're lovers or anything”, he choked on the word, choked on it like he would choke on his own blood spilling into his throat a few days later, “we're... friends, Noé. Many people survived after losing a friend.”

Noé shook his head slowly and sat down on the bed, smiling, causing Vanitas' pulse to jump up and make his fingertips tremble even harder then they already did.

“I knew that you would say that. How about we both stop living this lie, hm? I know that when we became friends we were too young for this. But we're both sixteen now.”

Noé put his hand to Vanitas' cheek and wiped away his tears with a thumb.

Vanitas flinched at the action but his heart told him to lean into the warm hand, to breath into it and cry into it.

“Noé...”, he sobbed and couldn't bring himself to look at the man, so he just closed his eyes.

“You're so beautiful, Vanitas. You're the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Oh, Vanitas, you're just... so beautiful and I've never really told you, have I?”

Vanitas just sobbed again, he cried and cried and cried when Noé slowly put his other hand to his cheek too and forced him to look him in the eyes.

“You... haven't”, Vanitas answered and Noé chuckled, making Vanitas shiver.

And then he opened his eyes just to realize that that really was Noé's breath on his lips and cheeks because he was so near to him.

He felt so warm all over, so warm.

“I haven't told you another thing, too, but you know what it is, right?”

Vanitas shook his head, his hair falling into his face in the process, so that Noé slowly stroked it back behind his ear.

“Ok, then I really need to tell you.”

Vanitas looked into those beautiful purple eyes, sinking into them. He had always lost himself in those eyes.

“Yeah...?”, he stuttered and Noé smiled.

“I'm in love with you for three years now. I love you.”

Vanitas couldn't do anything else than finally put his arms onto Noé's broad shoulders and let himself finally give in to those feelings of his.

Noé closed in and kissed him for just a brief moment, but Vanitas didn't want sweet and nice, he didn't want to feel those perfect lips for just a short moment, he needed them forever.

Without a second thought, he put his hands into Noé's hair and pressed him against him.

Every single feeling of the last three years spilled into the second kiss, all the longing and desire and love.

Noé pushed him into the mattress and into the pillow, kissing Vanitas as if his life depended on it, Vanitas opened his mouth to welcome Noé's tongue which was licking his lips.  
It was hard and sloppy and uncoordinated, but neither of them really cared.  
Noé tasted good, he tasted so good that Vanitas almost became unconscious.

His hand was still buried in Noé's soft strands, but the other one was already pulling up his shirt to take it off and take in the sight of Noé like he had done so many other times, but not while kissing with him in his bed.

They only broke the kiss for the time it took Vanitas to take of Noé's shirt and then his own, then their lips met again, already swollen from all the touches.

“I need you, Vanitas. I've always wanted you like this, I've always... wanted to see you like this.”

Vanitas giggled and slowly let his hand glide down Noé's body.

“Then let's just forget about everything tonight.”

 

“Morning”, Noé whispered right into his ear and Vanitas pressed his head back into Noé's chest.

“I don't want to stand up”, he grumbled. He hadn't slept that well in ages. No, not in ages, he had never slept that well ever.

“We have to. We have to go... today. To the capitol.”

And then Vanitas really woke up and tears filled his eyes again.

“Noé, we will both die.”

“I know. But I prefer being dead with you to being alive without you. I can't possibly live without you, Vanitas.”

 

The next thing he saw was a black-haired woman slowly pushing her gathered flowers into a river, with her hand on her chest and tears in her eyes.

 

 

*

 

 

Noé had looked everywhere for him, but he hadn't found him.

It was as if Vanitas had disappeared, but probably he was just hiding well enough for Noé not to see.

But he was tired and he should really look for a place to sleep and wait for the sounds of the cannons to see who died.

He would continue looking for him tomorrow.

His feet tired and his head heavy, he looked around on the island he was on. It was just a single palm tree.

Everyone could see him here and it probably was the worst idea he had ever had, but he just sat down behind the tree and looked at the barrier of the arena right in front of him.

It was already dark. He would see Vanitas again tomorrow, he was sure of that, so he should sleep.

 

The first cannon shot woke Noé up and he tiredly blinked at the picture of a man with long, blond hair, a red and a yellow eye.

“Vincent Nightray”, he mumbled, already feeling tears in his eyes, “rest in peace.”

The hologram slowly faded away.

The second cannon shot and the picture of a girl with glasses.

“Beatrice, rest in peace”, he said, now more awake, the first tear leaving his eye to roll down his cheek and drop onto his legs.

Little did he know that this was only the first tear of many to fall during this night.

And then the third and last cannon shot.

The hologram slowly began lighting up again, showing the face of...

Noé's heart sped up as he stared onto the face he knew all too well, because he had studied it for years.

The nose he had kissed so many times, the cheeks and the chin he had held so many times, the lips he had only been able to kiss a few times, the eyes he had lost himself in for three years.

He looked at him, looked at the faint smile still lingering on his lips because the picture had been taken two days after Noé had confessed his love, he looked at his beautiful blue eyes staring into the night.

No, that could not be it, Vanitas could not be dead.

When the picture vanished as quickly as it had come, the realization hit him as if a whole mountain had fallen onto him and the first thing that left his mouth was a scream.

A scream so loud that he knew almost everyone could hear it, a scream so loud and desperate that he hoped someone would come to just kill him right here and there.

He couldn't live without him.

Vanitas was dead, he was dead, he was dead.

He would never come back, they would never ever kiss again.

Another scream left his throat, making it hurt and hurt but it would never hurt as much as his heart.  
Vanitas was dead.

Dead.

“Vanitas...!”, he sobbed.

“Be quiet, damnit! People will hear you!”

He knew the voice, but he didn't care. He wanted to die. He didn't want to live without him.

There was a hand on his shoulder which calmed him down immediately, but he was still sobbing.

“Thanks that you stopped screaming, I really don't want to die because of you.”

“I... Vanitas, I need him, I want Vanitas...! I can't... I can't- without him!”

He was then pulled into warm arms, the girl slowly began caressing his back, stroking his shoulders and then burying her hand into his hair in a desperate attempt to calm him down.

But he couldn't. He would never kiss him again, never again.

“I just want to die...!”, he sobbed into the throat his head was resting against, he was shuddering so hard that he almost fell of the tree.

“Ssh, calm down.”

“I can't, I can't...! Vani...tas!”

He felt sick to the point of throwing up, but he choked back the retch almost overcoming his body.  
He had barely eaten something, how would he even be able to throw up something other than bile?

Lacie backed away and held him up a little when he couldn't hold back the retch anymore, she rubbed his back when he threw up onto the floor below them.

“Come on, we're going to get down now and get you some water, alright?”

“I-” Noé hated being sick, but not as much as Vanitas had hated it. Vanitas had had a serious phobia of that and Noé had seen him sick only once and it was more than enough.

He tried to bite back the other retch, but it didn't work.

Lacie was still rubbing his back.

“I want to jump down here.”

“Would he have wanted that?”

Noé weakly shook his head and tried to breath in more regularly. The sickness faded almost immediately.

 

Noé wasn't saying anything even when Lacie pulled off his fighting gear to wash the vomit from it  
Noé wasn't saying anything when Lacie gave him water, he wasn't saying anything when she began washing his hair.

Even tough he could not express anything right now, he was grateful to have her in that moment.

“Lacie... tell me about what you did before you came into this arena”, he spat out, desperately trying not to throw up once more from just that little bit of water.

Lacie sat down next to him and pulled off her own jacket to lay it onto Noé's shoulders.

“I was taking care of my boyfriend. He had cancer, you know? I... don't even know if he's already dead.”

“What was his name?”

Lacie shrugged, looking at Noé, there was pain on her face and then a tear running down her cheek to drop into the grass below them.

“Levi. We were already engaged, you know? I don't... I don't really know what else to tell you about my life. It was always about him and my brother. How about you? How did you meet Vanitas?”

Noé sank against her shoulder once again, silently crying into it, keeping his breath and sickness under control.

“We were both hungry thirteen years olds trying to steal an apple. The same apple, by that. Vanitas completely raged out when I told him that we could just, you know, both eat half of it.”

Noé had to laugh at how Vanitas had just... freaked out.

“He wasn't used to kindness. I mean, I also wasn't, but I somehow... still tried to trust everyone even though it was District 13. We kind of bonded over that apple and looked for a place to sleep together and there was that really nice old lady, Sheryl, she said that as soon as she died we could have her small flat. Well, we got it only two months after.”

He had been sad after Sheryl's death – but not like he was now. He was on the point of breaking down again, but he held himself back, trying to repress the feelings welling up in his chest.

“It was... really nice living with him. You know what? I loved him right from the start. I just didn't know. I was too young to understand it anyways. And now... I can't ever hold him again.”

 

 

 

 

Day 3  
Jeanne collects fruit from a tree.  
Reim runs away from Lilly.  
Gilbert collects fruit from a tree.  
Sharon camouflages herself into the bushes.  
Lacie picks flowers.  
Dante scares Noé off.  
Alice receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor.  
Roland steals from Astolfo while he isn't looking.  
Dominique convinces Vanitas to not kill her, only to kill him instead.  
Johann defeats Ruthven in a fight but spares his life.

Night 3  
Astolfo and Roland huddle for warmth.  
Lilly bashes Sharon's head against a rock several times.  
Johann is awoken by nightmares.  
Dominique, Ruthven and Reim discuss the games and what might happen in the morning.  
Gilbert attempts to start a fire, but is unsuccessful.  
Jeanne cries herself to sleep.  
Noé and Lacie tell stories about themselves to each other.  
Dante attempts to start a fire, but is unsuccessful.  
Alice tries to sing herself to sleep.


End file.
